Malta

Vodka Morena

If Eurovision is the music television entertainment equivalent of cheese and crackers, Malta has to be one of the foremost cheese-producing nations in Europe. Like Denmark, they roll out one national final after another that shows no signs of awareness of what the contest has become, instead choosing to believe that their own brand of contest entry is something the audience will buy regardless of whether they want it or not. The tiny Mediterranean nation manufactures Europop of a kind that is regularly served up but doesn't always go down very well, and its last two results in the contest have perhaps proven that consumer tastes are changing. Unlike Denmark, Malta has responded: while still providing viewers with their usual dose of tack in Belgrade, the country has repackaged it in Clayton's novelty entry form* and will be serving up a three-minute shot of Vodka designed to go straight to the heads of televoters everywhere – especially those in the East.

Although not one of the songs this year that people tend to think of when asked to ponder the fate of the 'joke entries', the Maltese ditty more than any other takes its cue from last year's runner-up, Verka Serduchka's Dancing Lasha Tumbai, and is one of the most transparent and targeted campaigns of 2008. At least 80% proof in its intent to win over the east through blatant product placement, it must rank as one of the most shrewd (if not subtle) entries in the country's 20 plus-year history in the contest. Of course, its allure is not restricted to the traditionally vodka-swilling lands behind the old iron curtain, but anyone across the continent who enjoys a tipple and drunken televoters everywhere. The only problem here – the biggest problem – is whether such a target audience will be watching on a Thursday night. The song comes across as one which would do much if it were automatically qualified for the final than had to make it out of a mid-week semi-final, and this may prove its greatest hurdle.

This bodes well for Vodka though if it does receive a licence to trade on the weekend. It also assumes that the only people likely to vote for the song are those who identify with its message, and that may not be the case at all. It is one of the most immediate entries this year and is well-placed in the second semi-final for maximum impact, so even those who don't have the shot glasses lined up for their Eurovision drinking games may fall for its well-produced but still rather cheap brand of distilled pop. The song itself couldn't be any more obvious, meaning people will either down it in one or refuse it on principle, so the performance will be crucial in selling it. Morena makes an attractive shop girl and suits the song in the sense that her garbled pronunciation could make her a walking advertisement for the product she is pushing, but after Csézy's plum tones this almost comes as a relief.

Despite its appeal I'm not entirely convinced of Vodka's chances of qualification. It is brazen enough to earn some superficial support but, as with the majority of Maltese output, it's simply not that good: after the initial zing you realise it's actually pretty tasteless and doesn't have the kick it ought to. Nor as novelty entries go is it particularly novel. Then again, that could probably be said of a lot of songs in the second semi, whatever it says on the label, so Morena may yet slur and stumble her way into the final. Either way it will be interesting to see how the island nation recovers from its hangover.

*From an old Australian TV commercial for a non-alcoholic alcoholic beverage bottled to resemble whiskey, which came with the slogan “the drink you're having when you're not having a drink”. If you were wondering.